What makes Kerala Wedding Customs Unique?
Kerala is rich in culture, tradition and heritage. As
Keralites, we are recognized worldwide for the values and etiquettes we have
learned from our ancestors. It is
perfectly reflected in any discipline associated with the state. People respect
each other’s custom and practice. Keralites unite for occasions like
celebrations and marriages, irrespective of the religion or community that they
belong. Kerala wedding is one such custom that well reflects and encompasses
the morality of Kerala.
Muslim marriage is otherwise called ‘Nikhah’. It begins with
the ascertainment of the girl’s and the boy’s family background, the latter
pays the first visit to the former. If both parties are on par with each
other’s family status, the next step is ‘Valayidal’. It is generally a ladies
function, in which the would-be mother-in-law will present the bride-to-be with
golden bangles as a token of their acceptance towards their relationship at
girl’s residence.
‘Valayidal’ is the first step towards the engagement or
‘Nikhah Urappikkal’. For the engagement ceremony, few male members from the
girl’s family go to the boy’s house and throughout the ceremony prayers are
chanted from chapters of the Holy Quran.
The day prior to the wedding day, the bride’s residence will
hold the function of ‘Mylanchi idal’. During the function close woman relatives
of the groom pay visit to the girl’s house and put ‘Mylanchi’ on the bride’s
hand. There will be prolonged hours of celebrations for the ‘Mylanchi’ function
with traditional dance ‘Oppana’ (during ‘Oppana’, the bride is seated at the
center and friends and family teases, dances and sings songs to the bride). The
bride’s family will throw a grand feast for the guests thereafter. After the
‘Mylanchi’ function, bride is forbidden from stepping out of the house until
the day of marriage.
Before the happening of the marriage, the elder sisters of
the groom will present the bride with wedding sari and other dresses for the
bride at her house.
On the wedding day, the groom along with other relatives
arrives at the venue and is leaded to the venue segregated from rest of the
space. The rituals shall be performed by a ‘Mullah’ or ‘Muslaiyar’ in the
presence of two male witnesses from groom’s and bride’s side. A book is signed
in agreement; first to sign will be the groom and the two witnesses followed by
the bride and two witnesses from her side (the brides presence is not required
in the venue). The ‘Mullah’ reads the signed document and chants prayers from
the Holy Quran. An oath is taken by groom and bride’s father in front of the
‘Mullah’, abiding to the Islamic law of father of the bride giving away his
daughter to the prospective husband and the groom solemnly affirming that he
has married the girl. Once the groom accepts the girl as his wife, he will hand
over the ‘Mehar’ to the father of the bride. The ‘Mehar’ which is bride’s
‘thaalimala’ is worn around her neck by the groom, assisted by his elder
sister.
At the end of the ceremony, the attendees of the wedding
will proceed to the feast arranged and will acquaint the new family members.
Finally, the bride will leave to her husband’s house and the marriage ceremony
is fulfilled.
The first stage of Hindu Wedding is ‘Nakashathra Porutham’
when an astrologer is assessing the horoscope matching of the boy and girl.
Once the horoscope matches, elder members of boy’s family visit the girl’s
house to ascertain the family conditions. If convinced, the girl’s family
members is invited to the boy’s house and if both are parties are convinced
with each other’s family status, they confer to proceed further with the relation and calls for ’Virunnu’ at
girl’s house. On the day of ‘Virunnu’, families will decide on when the
betrothal day should be for the ‘Jathakam Vangal’ chadangu.
As decided eralier,
‘mothiram maral ‘(ring exchange) will be next in the process. First, boy wears
the ring on girl’s hand and then latter on former. On this day, boy’s close
relatives and friends come to girl’s house. Rings are exchanged during the
function and after that girl’s horoscope is received from the girl’s father by
the boy’s mother’s brother. The function is happening in front of a
‘Nilavilakku’ (with 6 cotton wicks lighted) and ‘Nirapara’ with flowering
coconut bunch on, betel leaves, areca nut and burning incense sticks. In some
families, ‘Valayidal’ is carried out when the would-be mother-in- law presents
golden bangles on her future daughter-in-law. During the function, the slip
containing the auspicious date and time for marriage called ‘Muhurtham’ fixed
by the astrologer is read out loud to the arrived guests and families by the
bride’s father. The function is usually held in noon as per the suggestion of
the astrologer and after the rituals; lunch is served for the guests.
On the wedding day, the groom and party arrive at the
marriage venue before the ‘Muhurtham’. The groom is received by the bride’s
brother with a bouquet and the prospective mother-in-law of the groom showers
raw-rice and thulasi leaves while a Nilavilaku is held by the wife of the elder
brother of the bride’s father. They will then lead the groom to the decorated
‘Kalyanamandapam’ (a raised platform) and place him on the right hand side
facing east. The ‘Mandapam’ will be decorated with Nirapara with flowering coconut
bunch on, three traditional Kerala Nilavilakku, betel nut, areca-nut, tender
coconut;, burning incense sticks, camphor, sandal paste, a photo of a god or
goddess or a spiritual leader. The rituals are led by a priest.
Soon then arrives the bride in her wedding sari and
ornamnets along with 20 to 25 others to the Mandapam, holding a banana filled
‘Thalam’ led by the elder and other sisters and close related females. The
procession encircles the ‘Mandapam’ 3 times and the bride is seated left to the
groom. The priest meanwhile will carry out the ‘Pooja’ (rites). The priest will
hand over the ‘Thalimala’ (necklace with gold pendant) over to the groom to be
worn on the bride’s neck; the elder sister will assist to lock the ‘Thalaimala’
properly.
During ‘Thalikettu’ (tying the knot), ‘Panchavadyam’ (Kerala
traditional music using 5 instruments) is played. The bride and groom wears
garland on each other’s neck, the bride will be the first to do so. Then the
father will entrust her daughter’s hand on the groom’s right hand as directed
by the priest. The priest chants prayers from Vedas with the intension of their
marriage to prosper. After this, groom holding the right hand of the bride in
his right hand is required to encircle the ‘Mandapam’ three times. The bride
and groom separately give ‘Dhakshina’ (token amount in reverence) to the priest
in betel leaves. This brings the ceremony to an end. Thereafter a sumptuous
meal called ‘Sadya’ is served to guets.
A ‘Muhurtham’ is earlier fixed by the priest to proceed to
groom’s house along with the bride and her party. The bride will enter the
groom’s house holding a ‘Nilavilakku’ and enter the house with her right leg
first. Bride’s family will come to groom’s house for accompanying them to the
bride’s residence where they will spend 4-5 days after marriage. The bride and groom will change the wedding
costume and wear a different traditional dress for the tea party in connection
with the sendoff of bride and groom to bride’s residence. After the said days,
they will return to the groom’s residence.
In Christian marriage, the girl and the boy meet through a
medium like broker or relative or marriage portals. The boy accompanied by his
family will come to girl’s house for ascertaining the family circumstances and
this is called ‘Pennukanal’. If the boy’s family is interested in the alliance,
the girl’s family will be invited to their house. In both the visits, the
number of persons should be restricted to 5 or 7. If both families are
convinced, they will take the discussions to the respective churches and fixes
a date for betrothal.
The dates for ‘Manasammatham’ (engagement) and marriage are
fixed according to both parties’ convenience and ‘Manasammatham’ will be hosted
by the girl’s family. On this day, the priest will ask individually to the girl
and boy, their consent over a wedlock relationship. This is to ensure that
there is no force of commencement for the relationship from either of the
families to the girl or boy. Once they give consent, they are asked to hold
hands to take the oath that the priest recites. The priest will read from the
Holy Bible and renders sermon. They are then asked to exchange rings. The
families will then proceed for the feisty lunch.
On the wedding day, the bride and groom will reach the
church on the appointed time. The bride, wearing gold ornaments and white sari
and the head covered with a white veil and a tiara will proceed to the altar
holding hands with groom. The priest will recite verses from the bible and
conduct the holy mass.
Thereafter the couple is directed to hold their right hands
and make solemn affirmation to remain as one in thick and thin. The next step
is the exchange of wedding rings blessed by the Vicar to be followed by the
tying of Thali (a leaf shaped gold pendant with a cross in a gold chain) by the
groom around the neck of the bride. Soon the Matrakodi (wedding saree) is
handed down to the bride by the groom. The Mantrakodi is to remain with her
till the end of life. Mantrakodi and Thali are the only items at the expense of
groom. After signing the documents at the church office, the bride and groom will accompany the guests
for the grand fiest. During the feast,
the bride will change the white sari she wore during wedding and wears ‘Manthrakodi’. After the feast, bride and groom will leave to groom’s house
with families. There, bride’s mother-in-law welcomes her with a
lighted candle and put a ‘kontha’ (rosary) around her neck. The bride and groom will be given sweets and
everone will chant a final prayer for
the couple before the bride’s family leave. The bride will stay at groom’s
residence.
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